For my partner’s birthday I made sure that he had a gift, cake, card, and s** at midnight. I invited a mutual friend. We partied. I tried to make it fun for him.

My partner had just completed rehab a few weeks before my birthday. I knew that he had no access to cards or gifts so I had zero expectations. I just wanted to be loved. We woke up together and nothing.. he was just cranky. No happy birthday, no hug, no I love you. I cried so hard by myself throughout the day. That evening we argued because he didn’t know what my problem was. Eventually I got some affection but I was beside myself.. I was so lonely and sad.

Yesterday he was mad that he didn’t have money to buy me anything for Christmas/didn’t know what to get me. He makes more than I do and has fewer bills but he didn’t budget for gifts. I dropped him off at a store because he was determined to buy me a card at least. I’m still excited to give him his many gifts – I spoiled him and I feel good about it. I can admit however that deep down I’m sad to have our first Christmas together feel forgotten about on his end..

God, please. I don’t want to cry on Christmas, too. I just want hugs and kisses. I want him to cuddle me and tell me that he loves me. I want to be more important than his video games for one day.