. The pain associated with the come down is pretty bad after you’ve been up an over-stimulated on some fire a** shift for a few days now that I’m coming down my goddamn hands are all drawn up and dried out and cracking cuz I’m dehydrated cuz I didn’t drink anything for f****** days haven’t eaten anything but I’m not hungry. I don’t give a fuk and the thing is that I know all this is it hurts but I’ve gotten so familiar and comfortable feeling that I just didn’t places as part of it. I was sitting there earlier discussing a bad things about it and the only thing that pops into my head was yeah but I still f****** love it and that is a goddamn problem can I tell you I was sober from it for like 3 years and I’m at my wife she got me back on it and then we got off of it and my dad died and everything is going to hell something I was falling apart out of the Grave earlier in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs. The pain associated with his death is so f****** real and raw and there is nothing that numbs it except for the dope I don’t think about it when I am spun out I mean I think about it but I don’t let those feelings get to me it watch the emotions. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop the goddamn I hope I do