We made a decision to leave our home in CA for the town in IN where we grew up. The idea being that a lower cost of living, the simpler, slower lifestyle being a good move to enhance the quality of life for all of us. We found a home that fit sickeningly into the cliche American Dream, complete with the white picket fence plenty if yard for the dogs and close to plenty of outdoor recreation. All for a couple thousand more than our SUV we bought 5 years ago. My CA income came with us so the financial reasoning was sound as well as the plan to significantly improve our quality of life. The only problem is that from the day we left CA in the rental moving truck EVERYTHING has gone horribly wrong. The Truck broke down in AZ. The professional movers the rental company sent to off load our possessions from the broken down truck to the replacement destroyed several of our things including my prized Gibson Les Paul. After traveling the rest of the way across the country with minimal incident we finally arrived at our new home. We entered the home to find it covered in toxic black mold which a hygienist sampled and determined that the colonies pre dated both the inspection we ordered in July as well as the FHA Appraisal. The inspection by the hygienist also revealed extensive termite damage which had been covered up as well as a failed foundation and multiple natural gas leaks. The result is an uninhabitable home that the attorneys we’ve consulted have basically said that the fine print releases the inspector, appraiser and realtor from any liability resulting from errors and omissions. Now, having exhausted all of our savings on the move, the mold inspection, remediation consultation, vacating and winterizing the home, storage for our things and temporary living arrangements we are more or less stuck. Every night my wife and kids cry themselves to sleep as I am unable to comfort them by convincingly assuring them that we will get through this. The stress has left me unable to sleep and as a result I’m probably a month away from losing my job on account of my work suffering.
Now for the confession. Not a night goes by that I don’t feel like a complete and total failure as a husband, father and provider. This cluster f*** that I’m not able to fix has left us broke except for the $1M life insurance policy I have on myself through work and a supplemental policy. Several times a day I consider the best way to end my life, not as a cowards way out but rather as a financial solution to free my family from this horrible situation that I’ve put them in. I have prescriptions that would be easy to accidentally overdose on or just grab my 9mm and take a walk deep into the woods, find a small cave or fox den, crawl inside and put a bullet in my head. Surely it would be years before my body would be found, long enough for the insurance policy to pay out. The only reason that one I see as preferred is that my wife and kids wouldn’t have to find my body. Still, somehow I’m sure I’d f*** that up too. Aside from my kids, I know my wife has cheated multiple times so including her, I hate my life, my job, and now where I live. I just want it all to be over and I can’t help but think that whoever replaces me as daddy would do a much better job than I have and would not subject them to the trauma and constant disappointment that has come to be accepted as part of having me in their lives. If I can do this one last thing right as unlikely as it seems, I think this could be the best thing I have ever done for them. A win win if you will. They get $1M and I get out.