My friends literally do not care about me. I don’t know what I need to do to get a simple “Are you okay?” from them. How much will it take before they start to realize that i am not there to be their therapist. I have stuck around so long cause I have no where else to go. What the f*** will it take to have someone care. How many suicide jokes do i have to make before they actually start to care. I don’t wanna talk about it, I want to know that if I did want to talk about it, I would have someone to go to. But i don’t. I have been there for every single f****** one of you. Through all of this b*******, even s*** you caused. I lost my best friend because of you and all you do is complain about something else. I don’t understand how you think you can just dump every single issue in your life on me. but i f****** take it don’t i? because no matter what i am always there for you. and you don’t f****** see it. i told you how drained i felt recently and you still f****** do it. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? I’m f****** tired man, and all you do is sit there and ask me for one more thing. Jess, i have nothing else to give. I cant keep doing this. I care about you but this is just too much. i lost my best friend, the one person who genuinely cared about me and its all your f****** fault. THE ONE PERSON WHO COMFORTED ME. so now i have to sit alone in bed at 3am with no one to talk to except you. Who is going off about another boy. I miss her so much but now she doesnt even talk to me all because of you. maybe i shouldnt completely blame you but you make it so damn hard not to. i miss her so much. you and i have been friends since elementary school but still, she was different. i felt closer to her than i ever did to you. i was friends with her a little over a year and nothing compared. she made me feel so loved and so safe. i never had to tip toe around her or lie to her like i do with you. this seems so violent compared to the way you and i talk on regular because this is everything i can never say to you. everything i bottle up and pretend doesnt exist. honestly if it came down to it, you or her, i would choose her. i would choose her a million times over again because that one year with her i felt a platonic love i have never felt for anyone else. this confession changed tones a lot since the beginning but i just feel so incredibly frustrated, i have so many things to say. so much anger to let out. f*** you.
