I Just Have To Get This Off My Chest ok. Everyday I wake up feeling that this world is foreign to me. I feel like I just can’t relate to people and society anymore. I remember looking at the world when I was a 20’s something without a concern, like I knew what was going on and how most of it would play out. I was wrong. Not that it was really a bad thing, but when you “wake up” it’s impossible to go back to sleep. Because of this I feel relationships are impossible for me now. Looking at the world and knowing that very few people see it the way that you do or let alone understand. Conversations, for the most part, are to “pass time”. Very few are meaningful or thought provoking. Physical contact in the past few years is the occasional hug or brush from a stranger. No one talks to me or let a lone glances in my direction half the time. The funny thing is, by looking at me you would never be able to tell this was going on. That’s what makes this very difficult on some days. Hiding. Projecting one thing but feeling another. Can’t really tell anyone because with out the history they won’t understand. Hell I sure as s*** don’t want to drag all that up. So I remain in the shadows. There but not there. Searching for a way to shake this off for good and move forward. Find some way to get off the fence. It’s a lot harder when you’re older. So I’ll continue to drudge on. Keep enjoying the small things as they come along. Spend my time with my dog, who does keep a smile on my face most of the time. Just keep pushing forward until one day someone shows up.