I accept we can’t see each other but I really do hope you have a happy birthday . I’m sorry for getting carried away , I’m just so damn lonely for company and affection. A hug , even . A friend . It’s not you, just not something possible for me . I’m sorry for pushing the issue. I’ll still send you something on your birthday though if that’s not too creepy. I’ll try to give you space I guess with your peeps that popped up , I don’t want to be annoying and call everyday . I’ll try to be better about that . Hope you won’t be a complete stranger . I’ll try not to be as annoying . Not to have a pity party for myself but I’d really appreciate being able to talk even once in a while It gets pretty lonely . I promise I won’t get attached , hearing a human voice outside of therapy is just nice . Maybe once a week or even month ? Well it was nice hearing from you and I hope you have a happy birthday and fun with your friends . Do you think maybe one day I’ll have that too ? I don’t think so . I’m just so tired of being a charity case . I wish I could be wanted and loved back . Sigh . Oh well . I’ll back off . I hope that helps .

I wish I was dead . I mean Christ I’m human . How am I supposed to exist like this for years on end without human contact or love ? I hate myself way more then any of you ever could .