I’m never going to see her again . I’m just a void filler until the next person comes along . Then I slowly become a nuisance . I don’t know why I ever hope for anything different . No one wants to see or spend time with me unless they’re absolutely desperate . Why don’t I ever deserve anything mutual or real ? Who wants to run after someone or beg them to be around you ? Just once I want to know what it’s like to not do that . People only want me around that don’t know me well, just the fake me I present . God forbid you ever let anyone know you need a hug or support or any kind . They’re gone. Why is it too much to ask just to have a genuine friend ? Somewhere I’m wanted and can be myself ? It’s not needy to be wanted back . I’ll never be enough no matter what I do, I’ll never be the one anyone can choose first .
I can’t even tell them any of this, they’ll just run faster . I just have to smile, step back and take it like a champ . Why can’t I have one genuine relationship in my life ? Romantic or otherwise , anything ? I’m so tired of always being a last resort, being someone’s nothing to my everything . It’s not fair . It’s again and again .