You know what. For the past week I’ve been thinking abt how you cheated on me on in the first month and that you went to a girl because I kept calling u a friend and I thought that maybe I am okay w having u in my life and being able to change my anxiety w u to a better feeling so we can be good but after what u j said, after assuming I wished bad things on u ima j step tf back. I never wished bad on u. I always told everyone that I j wanted u to take care of urself and change for urself. Ain’t nobody wished s*** on u. I said karma does it’s job bc it does. Karma works in other ways than bad. Karma can be someone coming into ur life and giving u advice that opens ur mind up. Karma can be a physical impact or even a mental realization that karma thinks you need. Nobody wished u bad. In fact I’ve prayed that god is taking care of u while i was gone. I prayed that u were strong enough to take care so don’t you EVER say I wished bad on u. I have NEVER done that s*** A day in my life. And guess what? I did tell friends abt what we had in the summer, I made u look fckn good. I told em what we did and how I felt and how confused I was and the big mess. I told them I didn’t blame u for going to that girl. When u gave me those things I thought more than enough times abt it before Getting rid of em. I wanted to keep the flowers bc nobody gave me em before and I told tas that I wanted to keep them and she ripped them out of my hand and threw em in the lake. I always made u look good to my friends. I tried so hard to see the good in you. And u can’t Blame me for leaving and coming back bc I told you that would happen. I told u it’ll happen and u said to at least think abt it and I did more than enough times before leaving. It’s not easy to come back to someone who done sht to u. And I legit almost came to the realization that I should’ve given u another chance During the summer yesterday. I swear on my mother I told tad yesterday that I was gonna call and talk it out but u always ALWAYS have to point something bad abt me. J cause I don’t talk to u abt my thoughts doesn’t mean I’m not thinking them. I like to sit and think things out. But I’m glad u started to realize u gotta change with or without me and u should keep doing that. Nobody said to do bad. Me taking time to go on doesn’t mean I wish bad on u. I wish u hasn’t posted that sht bc I legit have been thinking lately abt forgiving and forgetting and tryna be friends and getting rid of my anxiety and bad feelings w u in my life. Cause now ima j think that u sit and try to make me look bad in ur mind to justify what u done. Nobody said u wasn’t good to me either. I always said there were good times. I know I got scared and backed away a few times in the summer and I called u a friend bc I was scared we were becoming more. I went to ur family event and we been sleeping w each other all summer and I also slept on u in my own car and I was scared and backed out. But to act like I wish bad things on u and did those things on purpose for u to try and shift the blame on me is unacceptable and I never thought you’d say something like this which j shows a lot. And j incase u think I’m capping, on my mother’s life, my life, My brothers life, my best friends life, my cats lives and everyone I loves life I was thinking abt trying to talk it out and fix things since a few days ago before I seen the post. But go ahead and keep doing what u have to do to try and convince urself that I did wrong to u. Keep doing what u have to do to avoid self blame and pointing ur finger at me for it. Bc we both know who has to change and who ruined this for the both of us. U asked me to try in the summer and I legit tried. I tried. And i know my words were different but i know damn well that u saw my progression w u. I went from being mad to being upset to yelling at u to then hanging w u, to then laying w u, to then cuddling and kissing and getting closer w u. And I FCKN know u saw that progression. I know u saw the change w how I acted w u all summer.i backed out bc I was scared but u shouldn’t pay attention to j my words but my actions and out of all people who should do that it’s u bc that’s all u ever say to me. “Don’t look at j my words but my actions”. But ur quick to be hostile when I call us friends j because I get scared you’ll hurt me again when at the same tome I’m taking u places, I come over, I see ur family, I called u, I did everything. But okay madi end it on that note go ahead. Blame this on me when I did nothing wrong but try w u. I wasn’t obligated to even be in contact w u after u cheated but I did more than j that. Thank u for the wake up call and keep working on u bc someone who does something wrong wouldn’t blame another person for it too. Bc we both know I still loved u and did the most for u but I was j scared which I couldn’t even blame me for. I called us friends not to stay friends but to work off of that. I wanted to start as friends and take things slow and I told u that. I said “let’s start as friends and see where it takes us” bc we NEVER started as j friends. We never saw each other different than j two people who were together. I wanted to see U beyond my feelings. I wanted to see u for beyond the relationship s*** we went through I j wanted to see u for u without thinking abt all the sht we been through. The only way to do that is to accept being friends and starting from there and then going off that but u were j quick to assume I was tryna f*** around w u or sum sht. I’ve had enough of u thinking bad of me. And guess what, I did read what u wrote. Have I ever not appreciate something u done? U rlly think I can see two pages of what u wrote and throw it out? I j didn’t know how tf to get u to stop bc it hurts to read those words. And to prove that I did read it, I read the part abt self reflections and notes on ur phone and how u wanna work on urself. I forgot some of the things on it bc I don’t remember much from that night but I did read it. I’m disappointed that this is the last note we ending on. I was hoping we could’ve ended on u checking up on me cause I Was gonna do it back and fix things but now I dont know how tf to even come back to try and texting u when ur here w a mentality like “I’m changing and if u don’t like it then it’s ur fault bc u never wanted to see it” bc I did try to see it. On everything I try so hard to. And I always talked good abt u to my friends. And u can’t be like “it’s unfair cause I was a secret” bc that’s not even a fckn point to make. U should’ve been fckn appreciative of it bc I went against what EVERYONE said. I ignored everyone and decided to come see u all the time instead to try and see where tf I can go with all I had left for u. But okay. I hope this change does good for u. And I hope ur mental health gets better, that bear was not j a favor. I gave it to u bc I knew it would help u, otherwise I would’ve j dropped off money for the things U paid if it was a favor but again I j have to be this p************ that doesn’t look at things from ur side. I cry hard all the mf time bc I can only fckn think abt the good part of u. Otherwise I wouldn’t fckn cry over the bad things u done bc I’m past it. I’m not hurt that u cheated or left me for another girl. I cry bc I remember the sht u done good for me and that I have to put it away bc I dont know abt if there’s more bad to come too. But okay. Take care and keep doing u bc it seems like u got ur own point of view of this whole thing w me taking my time away from u. Funny how it went from “I’m patient and i know u need time and I’ll give u time I understand” to “u never see my point of view and u don’t realize what I did for u which is your fault” in a few days. Take care and do u