i feel like i cant talk to anyone about anything and my stupid mom is drunk right now and i bet she thinks im dumb enough to not realize but haha fuck you

13 years

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i feel like i cant talk to anyone about anything and my stupid mom is drunk right now and i bet she thinks im dumb enough to not realize but haha f*** you im not a complete waste of space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 and shes making the grossd noises and im crying and i hope this site is for the kind of thing im writing because i just looked up anonymous confession site bc i cant talk to my therapist that i havent gone to in months and i cant trust my friends and i have no idea why and i cant make friends and i want friends and i want to be kissed and held and i want someone to care about me and no one will and i just need release because i have this held within me all the f****** time and i just want it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i want to be pretty and approachablel and smart and funny and clever and i want people to like me and i want people to like and im greedy and i want too many things and i should be doing homework or trying to lose weight and i shouldnt make people feel bad because of my insecurities and i just want people to shut the f*** UP!!!!!!! when i say i want to be dead because im not looking for their input i just wantr to let something OUT but i cant because “you dont actually want to die” but i do i want to be so dead and i know im too much of a p**** to go through with anything and i know ill never kill myself but i hate being in this state of mind where my main thought of every day is “i wish i was dead” and i KNOW that i only really got into this line of thingking when MR A****** came around but its not even his fault its mine because i got a stupid stupid ssutpid CRUSH on him like an idiot because god forbid a boy pay ATTENTION to me and i have to go and start LIKING him =what does that even mean!!!!!!! what is love at all because i dont know?? some chemical reactions make me mess up relationships but he was making fun of me the whole time anyway!!! he had to have been because theres not other fuc,king reason someone would want to talk to me and i hate it i hate myself for thinking about him all the f****** time like why do i even think about him he probably forgot about me tbh im just a p************ people FORGET!!! and school stresses me out and i cant even word it and i cant understand the people there and im embarrassed because the cute girl that i see in the hall all the time notices me lookng at her and she probably thinks im a complete loser and shes right because i am and i barely can keep a friend and i cant relate to the kids in my shcool when i should be able to because our social classes are all the f****** SAME!! but nope no no no no no non on ono no no n on o i just feel like s*** all the time and i cried in the stupid bathroom stall and the EMBARRASSING part out of that is that im not near my period so it wasnt even weird hormones it was just me being a STUPID IDIOT BABYQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe im on a confession site this is so stupid and so am i and i didnt even check how this site works i pray to god nobody comments on this or likes it or whatever social networking sites do GOD! GOD! GOD! i have no reason to ever be upset im just a whiny brat how stupid is that everything i do is stupid and im never going to succeed because i never try and i lie!!! i lie all the f****** time i lie to my friends and my family and my teachers i just lie lie lie lie lie lieli elieli leiel iel ie liee liel iel ielel lie becuase im afraid of myself and others and they just slip right off my tonuge like they were meant to and im SO embarrassed about jacking off thats the grossest part about me right now probably i am disgusting absolute garbage and i actually stoop SO low to actually m*********** (that is such a gross word im complete trash) becuas er i cant get myself a f****** date and honestly im SCARED to f*** somebody! im scared because of commitment and permanence and pain and Love (whatever that is) and i like to think im introspective and intelligent when really im just a douchebag teenager who wants to be better than she is and im ashamed of being a girl if i was a guy i would be so much more comfortable but i dont identify as a guy but i dont identify as a girl but explaining androgyny is too tough for someone as simpleminded as me and now i havent done any homework except for my art project and im going on that trip on thursday and i wont know ANYONE i just pray and pray and pray that the cute girl from the hall will be there because she is the cutest girl in the entire school and i want to talk to her so bad f***

New Confession

Started going to an adult book store with booths about a year after my wife passed.I had never had a gay experience. A first I went to get sucked for releif . One night as I set down a pretty good size hard on was shoved threw the hole from the next booth. At first I just set there and stared at it. I couldnt stop looking at it. It was like a magnet and soon I was holding it in my hand.
My head started down like I couldnt stop myself and the next minute I had it in my mouth. Somehow I knew what to do although I had never done it bf.In no time I heard a loud grund from the other booth and my mouth was filling with c**. I didnt know what to do.I thought about spitting it out but instead swallowed it
I am hooked and spend way to much time there sucking any c*** that comes thru the hole. I have no idea how many loads I have swallowed there I am hooked and cant stop. Its worse than a drug.

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There are not enough characters to express how exhausted I am with my life. I am a closeted homosexual living in a country where I cannot express myself freely, and it’s killing me. Every day, I feel like my true self is slowly disappearing while I continue trying to fit the part. I have to if I want to survive. You know what they do with people like me here. Everyone around me seems to be moving on with their lives, getting married, settling down, and building a life. It’s heartbreaking knowing that I can’t ever have that, at least not the way I want to. My parents are nosy and keep hinting at me getting married. I get extremely uncomfortable at even the suggestion of it. I keep postponing myself. I keep hiding. I keep myself from experiencing life. I am dead, not alive. And that is my problem. I keep asking myself until when? How long until I experience my first? How long until I can finally breathe? How long until I am truly free?