If I’m going to be honest, the past two years of knowing him, I admit I really liked him but whenever I would say “I love you” as a response back I always had an itch in my heart. It was never up to the point of love, I had believed and convinced myself I loved him but my heart was always somewhere else. He was not a bad guy, yes, and maybe love could have blossomed between us but there was just too much rush for anything to grow. I don’t think I’ve even had the right concept of love at that moment. What does love actually mean?
All the men I’ve dated gave me an itch inside. Some made my heart cry, some made me anxious, some made me fear them and some didn’t make me feel anything at all. At the end of the day, aren’t we supposed to go to sleep with a happy heart? I was never happy. What was I searching for then? I am really sorry to everyone whose time I’ve wasted in this manner. As numb as I am now towards relationships and bonds, I like to believe that maybe one day God will let me meet a man who I could say I love with a whole heart, no itch, no doubt.