I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling suicidal. I have periods of normalcy and then randomly, I want to kill myself. I’m already on meds and I see a

6 years

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I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling suicidal. I have periods of normalcy and then randomly, I want to kill myself. I’m already on meds and I see a therapist. I’m just depressed because I can’t do what I want to do in life. I’m limited physically and mentally. I also want to be a writer, but my writing s****. It wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t have my past. I used to be a great writer. I also used to be really smart. Now, I have to look up the word “pedantic” and it’s much harder for me to understand concepts. I used to have a great vocabulary. It’s s***, now. That’s what being intellectually inactive will do. Years of drug and alcohol abuse. F****** hate my life. I’m going to try to get high, tonight. Might as well.

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The algorithmic echo series Is on a mission to bring down hate forum like for sample drippingquills and their email abuse is cloudflare. But a safe forum is official a Magic Piano forum that doesn’t charge you a dollar for a username. Phew 😮‍💨

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My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.