Nothing is going to change once I submit this but I just want to speak a little since I have no one I can talk to. I regret my whole life and my whole existence, I feel like a side caracter in my own story, my whole life was a bunch of flops and I just wish I was never born, I wish I was never here. To this moment I haven’t done a single thing I dreamed of, not because I’m lazy but because I simply can’t because I had to choose different other stuff to please my own family and to always maintain the good image people had and have of me, I wanted to do what I wanted to do, live happy and in a nutshell just be in peace with my own self but i ended up being nothing but an ugly fat marionette controlled by the decisions i had to follow to be the perfect child, the perfect friend, the perfect student, the perfect human in general. I’m living a life I never wanted to live this way. I surely regret every decision I made since I’m nothing but a loser. I wasted my childhood and my teenage years and I’ll eventually waste my adulthood too. I don’t have a memory where I was truly proud of myself, a memory where I feel like I am who I am. I don’t even know who I am, I don’t have a solid dream/goal because the decisions I made led me to a whole different path where I will never live the life I wanted, a path where people say nice things about me and I say hateful things about me, a path where I’m disgusted with my own existence, feeling like a failure. I just want everything to stop so I can just stop having to care, stop having to do what I’m so already done with, where everything stops and I dont have to be me anymore. I’m nothing but an ungrateful disgusting human being. I hate it here.