Hi. I’m here to share my story. Please do not judge.

I’m 16, sophomore, ordinary, and never dated anyone before. About that, I was okay at first, like, what’s wrong with it? I’m even proud of myself because I don’t play around with relationships. But now, after watching almost all my friends got a boy/girlfriend and brag about it, I started to feel insecure. I used to think that I’m single by my choice. At 7th grade, I enter the school that I never intended to be in, and I got bullied. Later on I moved to another school for my 8th & 9th grade. The 8th grade was the best year of my life. I found some best friends, and I got some revenge by having a lot of fun to replace my 7th grade experience. Junior high school is a funny place, people know you if you have a pretty face (ofcourse), but they also appreciate it when you’re smart, or kind, or have some special abilities (sing, draw, play musical instruments), or joining school clubs. AND if you’re a new kid, which I am. I’m not pretty nor really popular back then, but I found that people always there for me when I needed them. That makes me feel confident and never thought about boys or dating.
And then high school and all my personal problem happened. All my best friends goes to another school. My dad cheating on another woman but refuses to sign divorce paper so he just left us hanging. My brother starts seeking problems. I’ve got a disease since I was child and it’s gotten worse. My grades are crumbling down. But thanks to God, somehow I’ve survived, I never do drugs or become wild or committed suicide. But from that moment I realized that I’m so lonely. I can’t find a friend that can replace my jhs bestie. I collapsed at school a couple times and when I go to school 2 days later people asked what’s wrong am I okay and all, but they’re just curious, only few that truly cares. And there’s always a girl that mock me, laugh and calls me attention seeker. They’re also teasing and making fun of me being single.
I’m so ordinary in every aspect of life. Blend-in. Live just to be a background character. I feel insecure, ugly, and worthless. People do treats you differently when you’re ugly, and I’m the kind of ordinary-invisible kid right now, the one that people only look for when they need to copy my homework. I feel unwanted. I’m always everyone’s second choices. And I never good enough for everybody.