when my grandmother got drunk I would have to clean up after her or help out and she encouraged her brother to molest me. she would always take my sisters side to everything and hurt me and hit me. it was always dear Robbie, dear Bee, dear Rose but never dear Catherine… yet I had to pick her up drunken in mess and rubble and put her into bed, I hugged her many times when others rejected to help her drinking… yet she hated me…I used to go down and talk to her and she would pour me a drink at night and I started drinking when my sister was in hospital having people fuss after her when I know bill did not abuse her the way he did me. and she was out nightclubbing with drug addicts while I was looking after a drunk grandmother and her 3 year old little boy often… I had no friends…not one real friend… just fake friends…my grandmother used to drink vanilla and cough mixture and so did bill they would s*** themselves from the stuff it would go through their body and my grandmother would be coughing up blood from her drinking. her drinking always got in the way of everything, birthday parties, every night at dinner to the point I would want to ball my eyes out as a child of 4 … we were not allowed to watch a lot of tv or go places…I spent a lot of time in a back room with my mother reading books or folding clothes and my grandmother and bill would fight and yell and hit each other after the house fire she bullied and abused us, and it was torture… my mother was beside herself and so was I all day the only relief was walking up the road to take my sister to school or home… and bill was molesting me then, that was when my sister blinded me for half a day… throwing sawdust in my eyes… I SWEAR THAT WAS A SIGN OF MY LIFE… BLIND… M*********** LOSER OF A GIRL… TREATED LIKE A BOY WHILE MY SISTER GOT THE PRETTY PINK DRESSES AND BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND FANNED EGO.

My grandmother and her brother bill must have gave the old scouts hall the best ever stock of rum, brandy and sherry bottles… bill would take me and mum for a drive and he would bring crate fulls of empty bottles there … the racing dogs drove me nuts killing my cats kittens, violent abusive men coming to house all the time for wild stock etc ort the bees… I could not even ask for a glass of water without being bullied by my grandmother or slapped or accused of waking up my brother or letting the cows out or touching something I should not like stained glass or running around the flower farm paddocks. I was always in the way … but my mother used now then then would dress me in ribbons and shoes and little dresses and make me be silent all the time. I can not trust anyone. I feel like I can not trust … I have never been popular never had any real friends ever in my life…at the university in a class a group tried to made it look like I had friends and they were not friends at all. they did not like me. they ganged up on me, ricky was abusive to me… making judgments about things he did not know about… that I was set up by my cousins with other kids around my age, they got the kids in to play the part and were encouraging some relationship as were another group and I do not know why they were trying to make me look like a bad person or a p********. none of them would listen to me that I was being abused. all mrs Peterson had on her mind was her c***. they know they set me up and my cousins were behind that. that is why I hate louise she is a s*** w****. I used to wet my pants from bill molesting me, same with my cousin rubbing against me and trying to r*** me… and I would have wet pants a lot … with vaginal rashes sometimes as a child… dirty smelly knickers often, itching and chaffing, bed wetting, m grandfather made me pee my pants one night he made me laugh so much I wet my pants… bugsy used to have me as a child peeing my pants… one day at school the teacher bullied me so much I wet my pants in grade 1 and I felt so embarrassed I took a spare with me for a few months so embarrassed. i can see why ended up with so many vaginal issues…I do not trust ricky… he let me down too many times. I dont know what goes through that guys head really. he does things and I do not know what he wants me to do. I am just sick of him and his games and b*******. he fooled me around with William and back in 1978 and 1992..