I understand you need to focus on your relationship. I just didn’t realize thats why you wouldn’t talk for the last 2 months or put me through hell again saying you couldn’t forgive me and I was a pest. Im not hanging on, i’m just lonely. It is so hard being isolated like this during a pandemic and there is no one to call unless you pay a therapist. Sometimes yours was all I got, someone showed me kindness and I attached to it, what you want from me? Im human. If you care so much why am I always kept away?
You didn’t, no one does. Im used to it. I try so hard to stay away and isolate myself so I don’t bother anyone but sometimes just overwhelms me. Its not that I can’t let go, its the idea someone once cared. There nothing to let go too. I pray to god everyday just to let me die, because its hard. I think about last year and want to cry, I fucked up something else and now i get to sit alone. Nowhere to go, and nothing to do but eat and watch tv, likely alone. No one to even call just my therapist. Do you get it? I miss the idea of having someone that cared about me and wanted me around . I get thats not you,but I’m just so damn lonely. I know you’re angry and upset I still exist when you have that other person/people. Im sorry. Sometimes I just know what to do. I have no one.