i feel lonely sometimes ...even though im surrounded by my friends and family... its this empty feeling inside of me that comes up every now and then and

17 years

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i feel lonely sometimes …even though im surrounded by my friends and family… its this empty feeling inside of me that comes up every now and then and eats me up a bit, and at times i wish i could let my thoughts just quiet down…i wish some1 would come up to me and tell me, ASSURE me that everything is going to be alright wutever it is…. i know ive been missing something inside of me but i dont knw what it is exactly…
do i miss doing the things i love like hanging out with a close friend and just having tons of laughs? Maybe…
do i miss who i was, this silly (possibly embarrassing person :P) but always fun to be with? i think I still am that person…
do i miss feeling secure, or feeling at home? definitely, especially after some bad news I heard this year that changed the way I think about everything and actually taught me the true feeling of fear…
Do i miss him? I think i do miss him, talking to him, laughing , being with him, just him (the him I knew so well and who no matter what happened/happens I know ill always care about ) I miss the way he made me feel… but what does it matter? Im not sure he misses me
I keep trying though, to fill that gap, that emptiness… everyday: I put on a true smile (which tells me that im capable of being happy) and say alright today is going to be my day! I just can’t take being disappointed over and over again when I start out with these high expectations…So here you have it, ive confessed…
I don’t think theres something wrong with me or the way im feeling, if u were in my situation and found urself heartbroken soo many times I think ud feel the same…
But I wont be lonely and unhappy for long…itll all change; if not tomorrow then maybe next week or maybe summer, there’s no rush .

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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