I can’t stop looking at myself pathetically, my loneliness is becoming worse that it became a habit or a “thing” for me to pretend that I’m in or part of a situation whenever I watch any video that has people in it, whenever I’m alone I would lip-synch and “act-out” a certain person on TV or something and pretend that I’m either in that situation or I’m that person, and I even started locking myself in my room just so I could do that because that’s the only way I could feel like I’m actually alive since I’m locked up in a place and forced to live a life I don’t want, I would be doing it and if they’re cracking a joke I’d laugh along and then all of the sudden something hits me and I would catch myself doing what I was doing, and I would just sit there, in total shock as if that wasn’t me doing that in the first place, thinking how pathetic I’ve gone and how my condition is only getting worse day by day and the fact that I have no control over anything that happens with me and my “life”.