hi, im 19 years old and I think im in love with a celebrity, now I know what you’re thinking, another obsessive fan, but let me assure you that’s not the case, I do not have any obsessive or weird feelings towards that celebrity, I won’t get mad or sad if he dated someone, I’d actually be extremely happy that they found who they think is right for them, and I’d support it in every way possible, so just to make it clear, my world doesn’t revolve around him, I do not have posters of him all over my room, I don’t even own any of his albums, so I can assure you that it’s not what you probably think it is, I said im in “love” for a reason, I, throughout the years, have had my fair shares of crushes, and I have liked people before, but I never fell in love, I never even knew what love meant, and maybe I still don’t know and maybe im just being sick minded and delusional and that’s all? I don’t know and im here to find out, it’s just that every time I look at him I get weird feelings, it’s like everything’s gonna be alright, whenever im sad I’d always look him up, whether it’s a song of his or a silly stupid video of him fooling around, and it makes me feel so much better, I mean if I think about it, he was the only reason I knew what I wanted to do with my life, I grew up having that question for the longest time until I found him and I finally realized it, that I wanted to be a dancer, either way, its been great being his fan, he is all about self-love and respect, do what you want to do, love yourself, etc, I’ve learned so much from him, I even went back to working out just because of him, I mean he gave me the motivation to do so, he gave me the motivation to do so many things, to be productive and live my life, so that made me very thankful for him, I just wanna know what it is, why do I feel this way towards him? even tho I never met him, it feels like I knew him forever, I know that celebrities usually have personas on tv, but he feels so genuine all the time, that I feel the way I do, I relate to him in so many ways, and I found out that me and him have so much in common, I mean when it comes to out interests, we do like very similar things, our humor is kind of similar, and so much more, im not saying or trying to prove anything with that, it just how I feel towards him, and I want to understand it, I mean to be honest, and I feel ashamed to say it but im gonna say it anyway, at first when I decided to go for dancing as a career I had a goal in mind and it stayed in the back of my mind for 5 years or maybe even more, I always dreamt of performing on stage with him being part of the audience, I’m not sure why I wanted to do that, maybe I wanted him to see me? or maybe to be impressed? or maybe I had my fantasies that he’d fall in love with me? I don’t know, either way, that goal of mine kind of faded, not because I don’t want to be a dancer anymore, but more of an “I can’t”, it has to do a lot with my religion, and I thought about it for months and months until I concluded keeping dancing as a hobby and trying to find another career path to take, it doesn’t matter, I just really need to understand what it is, I do not know why I feel the way I do and it does make me feel pathetic, id be fantasizing about him some times and wishing it all became true, sometimes when I pray I ask god to “work” things between me and him, sounds pathetic, I know, id ask god to make it happen and for us to live a happy life, almost sounds like a 8-year-old, but it’s genuine, my feelings are literally genuine, sometimes I do get emotional, because deep down I know that’ll never happen, that he will never know I even exist, that I might have to spend my life with someone other than him, I mean throughout the years ive hated men so much, because ive never dealt or seen any good examples of them, whether it was a friend, a stranger or even a family member, so i grew up with this hatred towards men, along with the fact that i have never in my entire life seen a guy that i looked at and thought that he might be the one, or if he is at least my type, and when i say my type i don’t certainly mean his looks, i mean his personality, the only guy I have ever looked at and genuinely wanted, is just him, he’s just everything I want in a man, literally everything, whether it’s his looks, body or personality, it’s all I ever wanted, and finally “finding” him and low-key knowing id never get a chance with him does make me sad, but anyway, please let me know whats wrong with me? am I sick-minded? am I being delusional? or is there any other explanation for the way I feel towards him?
