This is a long one and a dousey: I am almost 35 and have never really had a career. I have had jobs, but never a career. My path was derailed by my own

5 years

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This is a long one and a dousey:
I am almost 35 and have never really had a career. I have had jobs, but never a career.
My path was derailed by my own choosing, I met my current bf while I was in university and working part time. He is almost twice my age. I gave up the university and went part time and got a job full time, as we were renting. Living with him was an escape from my overly critical family. Fast forward almost 10 years, I have a child with him, I again, delayed myself as my youngest has speech delays, im early 30s at this point, again I have had jobs lasting months at a time. But my jobs get overwhelming for his workload so I leave.
Now he is making lots of money, however, I need to get a career going. and technically we are okay financially. However, that is not good enough for me, I have been living a life, not for me but for the benefit of everyone else. Not that I regret my kids, but I want something for me.
I have been on several interviews, had 2 horribly abusive jobs last year, that I had to leave. I went on several interviews thinking good karma would come my way because of the BS I had to deal with in the workplace but so far it hasn’t worked out in my favour. Maybe I am not meant to work or have a career, but instead fulfill others dreams, maybe that is my dream and purpose is to make other dreams happen for others.
Its a confusing state to be in when people ask, “what do you do” Because I feel like now that the kids are in school, what do I have really do, not much. And people judging you, everyone else has a career, I always wanted that for me. I have to learn to accept that maybe that wont happen for me and to settle just for a job.
Forgive me, the depression and reality sets in and its hard to keep it inside.
I hope everyone enjoys valentines day.

New Confession

After my dad passed away me and my mother took a trip back to Ohio so I could drop her off at her sister’s house.. I got to saint louis missouri and we couldn’t find a hotel to say at so I pull over in a rest area and parked in the back. We both got in the back of the van and fell asleep. I woke up wet so I opened up the back of the van and took all my clothes off. I woke up my mother and she did the same. She laid back down and I got in behind her and I got a hard on. My mother put her hand back behind her and knew I had one. I started playing with her t*** and then her c***. She said I don’t think we should be doing this
I told her that both of us needed this. She rolled over on her back and I got on top of her and she put me inside her. I started off slow and then fast. I could tell she was c******. Then again and then again. That’s when I put myself really deep inside her and came. It felt so good c****** inside her. We talked about it the rest of the way and said that we should do it more when she comes back home. And then she tells me that dad and her knew about the guy up the street making movies with me and his daughter. I didn’t think any one knew about that. There was even times that me and him had s**. I would s*** him off and he did the same to me. Mostly it was me and his daughter having s**. Mom said that her and dad would watch us. They were looking thru holes in the wall and after he was done mom and dad had s** with the wife and him. Mom said that she has all the tapes. I said even the ones that me and him having s**
She said yes and the ones of you and he’s wife. She said that dad help him sell a lot of them to people. Mom said she had copies of all of them. She would show me were they are when she comes home. I played a couple of them and she had all of them. Even ones with mom and dad having s** with them. Mom asked me if I enjoyed being with him. I told her yes I did. It was fun sucking him off and him c****** I’m my mouth. He did c** a lot. They moved away and mom and dad never saw them again.

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today has been an awful day. I won’t go into the full specifics but I feel like a failure for the actions of others and how they harmed me professionally and mentally. It came to a head when an act of kindness from one person nearly became a guilt they would carry. a lady stopped so I could cross the road. she had the right of way and didn’t have to stop. but she did. the person behind her whipped onto the shoulder of the road and around her nearly hitting me. had I walked faster, had i not been watching one persons act of kindness would have been a guilt that weighed on them. The worst part is I am not sure if am upset at the impatience of the person who nearly hit me, or disappointed I didn’t move faster.