I’m in love. I hate to admit it, I really do, but I can’t help myself. I am absolutely in love with a girl I met online 4 years ago. She has everything I’ve ever dreamed of. She’s beautiful, and that’s far from everything I love in her. Her personality, the way she acts around others, how she talks, hearing her voice, everything she does makes my heart flutter without fail. I have already told her I like her before, a long time ago, and she didn’t accept it. I tried my best to act as though I’m over it, but in all honesty, sometimes I feel like I’m doing a bad job at it. We remained friends after the occurrence, in fact we’re still great friends today. She has a lot going on in her life, a broken family, a poor social status and most of the time, she comes to me when she needs to vent. I really don’t mind, I always listen to her no matter what. I try my best to cheer her up, make her feel better, tell her exactly how precious she is and I’m glad that it works, a lot of the time. It gives me immense joy, to see her happy, glad, content with what was happening. I like to be a shoulder she can cry onto. I like being trusted enough to be able to hear about her problems like this, and most of all, give her advice and hold her hand to get through them. The thing is, now, she’s had a boyfriend for around a year or so. I know him, I also have a close friendship with him, and I really do value him as a friend but it hurts me deep inside every time I see him, with or without her by his side. I hate myself. I really don’t know, why I just can’t get over this. I wish I could just end it all here, but I’m just too much of a coward to manage that. I have helped her boyfriend as well, with some stuff, and he’s told me some things before. He told me, at one point, that he was starting to doubt his love for her, that he was developing crushes for other women. That was a big opportunity for me, to tell her about this and possibly break their relationship together, but I didn’t take it. I had reasons to, most of all that would devastate her. I talked to him about that and told him how he could mend their relationship, how he could make it better. I wish I didn’t. From what she’s told me, how she acts around him, how she talks about him whenever he’s not there, I can tell she really does love him. I wouldn’t do that to her, never. And another thing, it would also affect her boyfriend and my friendship with him. As much as I wish he wasn’t with her, he’s also a great friend of mine. I’ve known him even before they started dating, and he really is a cool guy. I wish I could just stop. I wish I could somehow quit my addiction for her presence, but I can’t. It hurts, so bad.