Chew & Screw I dress in a suit Wear an expensive watch Am handsome charming and polite But I don’t pay the tab I travel all over the country I order a

7 years

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Chew & Screw

I dress in a suit
Wear an expensive watch
Am handsome charming and polite
But I don’t pay the tab
I travel all over the country
I order a meal eat most of it
Go to the bathroom
Put on a different shirt jacket and glasses and a hat and walk out
Sometimes I’ll take a call and slip away and drive off
I’m talking meals from $15 to over $200
And you know what else ?
If I don’t like the way the waiter services me
If the service isn’t anything less than perfect
I’ll go to the bathroom and s*** on the floor
That’s right I’ll s*** on the floor right beside the toilet and piss all over it
Or… there are other times I’ve simply dumped all the food under the table
Them I’ll throw ketchup under there
A plate or two
Napkins whatever I can find
And you know what?
Nobody ever ever thinks it would be me
The charming handsome well dressed guy I am
I make a big big mess
Get a free meal
And have a good long chuckle in the car as my eyes glance in the rear view mirror
Try it
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