How to stay single
Let’s get this straight, clear and to the point: I like being single.
Sure, you’re gonna get random feels for people now and then. Heck, that’s natural. But taking the plunge into a serious thang – that’s a lot of time, effort, money, emotional investment, right timing – a lot of factors. And if you know what you want, and you know who you are – then that’s gunna take a lot longer. Also, if your life is already filled with super fun and super challenging things, then you don’t feel empty.
Take the romance and emotional aspect out and you have just the physical aspect. And there’s lots of ways around that. Also, boys are dumb and stressful, so ladies, if you’ve made a pact to stay single and go cold turkey from men and general stress, negativity and toxicity they bring here’s my full proof plan in following through with this intention and keeping yourself healthy, happy, positive and getting those goals.
1. Pick a celeb, any celeb you have got the hots for recently. Take their pic, and put it on a key ring, wallet whatever. They are now your poster boy crush for the rest of the year and you are dating them. Your heart, dignity, respect and self-worth belongs to you.
2. Go out with the girls. Flirt, dance, do whatever. Enjoy the freedom and independence of being a liberated woman in this day and age. It’s healthy to be on. your. own. You figure out what you want.
3. One night stands are O. K. Okay? Stay safe and enjoy. You’re not a s***, it’s a mutual thing, just sanitise yourself from THE FEELS. Clean, healthy, happy wholesome sportsmanship. Everyone wins if you’re looking for the same thing. If not, hasta la vista! (in a nice way ofc)
4. Attend Ann Summers parties. You’ll thank me for this.
5. Take yourself out, buy yourself flowers, be your own B. F. The highest apples are hard to reach for a reason, you’re truly one of a kind.
6. Expand your perspective and define your own targets outside of this realm. There is more to life than love, marriage, and kids. Plus, you’re changing the narrative your mums or women before you couldn’t.
7. Identify yourself as a whole and complete woman. Trust me, this dire need was created when the supermarket decided that Barbie Dolls and pretend kitchens was what girls wanted to play with. I played with DIY tools, cars, and Action Men. You’ve been conditioned by none other than the patriarchy. The illusory belief that not wanting a relationship means you think you’re unworthy or undeserving of a relationship is FALSE. You hear me, FALSE. It just means you’re confident being you, doing you, solo. Post war relic boomers can s*** on their own d*** and men who do shove this down our throat. An individual in your own right, getting s*** done 24/7, 365.
I love all of you and happy single 2020.
Get out there, ride that roller coaster called life. Ride, baby, ride to the top. Make the people who cheer you on proud. You only get one chance to live these bachelorette years, so if the boys have that period, why not you?
Keep that pic in your pocket. For 2020, I choose Matty Healy from The 1975, who is yours?
See you in 2021.
Mwah xo