I’m fat, like 120kg fat, I desperately need help but going out makes life like hell and I end up stress eating, being autistic I can’t make any friends without coming as rude and weird. People shun me and food makes me feel whole, I try to go out but Everytime there are people especially teens who crack jokes in my expense, it is enough to trigger panic attacks and loss of confidence and I’m back to feeding on food. I hate to live like this, it’s depressing, even the will to exercise gets lost because how ugly I feel when I can’t completely stretch my body. It’s an emotional pain I’m stuck in, people can think I just need to pick myself up but it is so difficult with those looks and laughs. I will die of heartbreak.