Alright well, really it’s exactly where I’ve always believed it is since I gave up on it. I have long accepted that it’s done and that’s it and for many many reasons, some of them are even things that were so bad, you know you can’t face me again. It’s not one specific thing, its so so many issues. Big issues.

Basically, I don’t like certain things floating around out there forever. Really I don’t think you had any business going in there, but you did. We are on 2 sides of the tracks. I realized 8 years ago, that you chose the other side over me, and that’s just the way it goes. There is nothing I can do about it, and now it’s expanded. Its a whole other group, again that I’m walking away from.

Now, when you put yourself in my shoes, I can’t tell you “you can’t every see this person or do that” I expect you to be that for me, without me asking. I was just thinking, well yeah, ok, she knows what I want what I need, what I expect, and that will never change, I don’t give on that at all, so knowing that if she STILL needs to be something with me, I would be willing to have an open minded something light, but very apprehensive on my part. I am not able to give much. That takes time. Obviously I have some walls and hurdles, I think it’s a bad idea personally, it would be half hearted, probably for a very long time, because I’m waiting for the ball to drop or the novelty to wear off and you miss all these things you absolutely need to quit if you want to be around me ever again. I wouldn’t be like I was, and I would just be waiting for it.

^^^ that’s unhealthy. That’s something that as an intelligent adult people should look at it, and say logically, that’s an unhealthy toxic thing that should be left for dead. I would have the most hanging over my head too, and in all honesty I have like no faith in you. No matter what though, you don’t have any power over me that way now. I don’t even care. I would be sitting there with you, knowing you have at least 3 other guys on your mind right there but I also know my worth to you and it’s a loss to you to a degree. I’m not rich or educated, or even really all that good looking, but I have things guys who are rich and all that other s*** don’t. I can’t tell you what to do, ultimatums are stupid, but I don’t expect much out of you. I know me, but I also know what I’m up against. You’re kind of greedy actually, I don’t think you even need me. You probably have 10 guys in 10 countries and 5 here. No problem, and they WILL take your b*******, but I don’t think anyone will get it as bad as me. I think I met you at the worst possible time I could have. Any poor b****** could have in my position.

I’m a skeptic.