Sometimes you can’t get that trust back. If you have blown trust badly, really really badly, I am a guy that it takes a lot to blow my trust but if you manage to blow it, you really must have F****** blown it.

Now in that case, I’ve been there a few times with people, it really does get to the point where I think about it, from different angles and every direction I go with it, as much as I wish it was different, there is something that is impossible for me to get around. It’s absolutely damaged on many levels in many ways. Damaged. In circumstances like that, because it’s usually completely out of my control, I’m probably pissed off, I got taken for a ride I didn’t sign up for, I usually think before I do things that could potentially mess up things that are important to me. I don’t take risks if I cherish something and if I fucked up in any way, and I do f*** up, I can do and say things that are terrible and hurt people I care about. Horrible, and for stupid reasons, really withbthe intent to hurt and wound, and I know it works but its also damaging to a relationship and I dont mean it but I am the kind of guy if I do that to someone who is important to me, it will eventually come to a point where I’m thinking and I know am going to regret this s*** shot if I don’t change, it might already be too late, and so I am going to change myself and do whatever I can go change myself, whatever to SHOW that I am sorry. I honestly dont think I ever do anything so bad that I can’t redeem myself though. Even words. Words are nothing. They are not nothing, but if you were truly sorry, it’s easy to fix it.

I have been wronged though by people. Deeply. I say there is no way, and when I say that, at the time, I mean it. I really mean it, I can’t get past things BUT if I think about it, there is a way, and it’s not as simple as sorry, and talking about it, there is nothing to talk about we usually all know exactly what’s wrong. The only way to redeem yourself with me, would be to literally do nothing leave me alone but change what the problem is because you know what it is, change yourself, for real, for an indefinite amount of time. But it’s a long time, especially if you did a lot of damage. It’s not days or weeks or even months, it’s years. You need to let go of all the problems for me, whatever it is that you have done to cause me to not want anything to do with you because my trust is gone they could be people, behavior, whatever, let all of that go for real, and for a long time, 1,2, 5 years, change then bring it to me.

The worst thing to do is repeat those things at any time. That’s like giving up yourself, but it’s really bad if the reason you repeat the destructive s*** was to get a negative rise. That’s really bad. Thats the end. That’s “why bother thinking about it still?” What good does it do? Why go near it? Why keep this kind of useless negative b******* alive? Rock the boat.

You can redeem or let it go because it’s too much. It would need to be pretty important to put 5 years of change into fixing yourself with no guarantee of it working. You probably shouldn’t try to do or allow yourself to do more damage though and drag more people into it. That’s not fun to live through for anyone.

If you leave it, leave it though.