13 years
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I was with this guy a few years back. We were together for six years…we were going to get married and have a family…looking back on it, I was too naive and the age gap was too big, but the love was real and the s** was mindblowing. Everything about this man intoxicated me, his natural smell, the way he moved, spoke, everything…our relationship was very intense, and ended up being very unhealthy for us both. We were forever breaking up and getting back together, arguing non-stop for days, living in the same house but ignoring each other (I would go to bed and fall asleep in tears listening to him playing some computer game where you drive around smashing up other cars, and wake up alone as he had fallen asleep on the sofa)…it really was a train wreck.

Now I have a wonderful man, we’ve been together just over a year, he’s lovely and caring and we match very well…but…I crave my ex sometimes. I listen to the song he wrote for me and cry…I ache to smell him, touch him, feel his body against mine…although I feel in my heart that I know I could never get back together with him, sometimes I just so badly want to press my whole body against his, breathe him in, immerse myself in him entirely…I feel like I’m cheating on my boyfriend with a ghost.

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