7 years
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Waaaaaa f***, shut up about it.

What the f*** do you want me to do? What do you want? Personally, I think everything about you is detrimental at worst and completely useless talk, cheap talk at best. What is it, are you bored with your marriage and kids? Everyone and everything you know getting kind of stale? We both know that nothing out of you is genuine when it comes to this sort of thing. I know I would never trust a thing coming out of you as far as feelings go. Haha! You’re a f****** c*** 🙂 You are an absolute c*** to men, right? I know you are. How I am I supposed to buy anything you type on the internet as being genuine, when I wouldn’t be able to buy it in person listening to you seeing you? 🙂 F***. Just let it go. Be a f****** adult and get the f*** over it. Same for your ding a ling friends. You have really bad taste in people to eh? 🙂 I hate your taste in people. You are not a stupid person, but you are a g******* idiot in your taste in people, and everything else for that matter. You s*** I guess is what I’m trying to say, if you want my honest opinion. You are the same as the other f****** idiots. Even your taste in music is probably disgusting. If we were together even as friends, this is how I would talk to you at all times too. Its not about what you ever did, it’s what I know you are from experience. I don’t like you. I would treat you like I don’t like you. I’m telling you I don’t like you and you should look at me as a guy who doesn’t like you and with good reason.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

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