I want to die. I have never in my life felt loved by anyone but my mother. But that is not nearly enough for me. I was never even kissed until I was 20, it was my best friend- she then fucked me awkwardly and told be she wished I had a d***. All the drunken sleeze-bags and random dudes at concerts, even the women, they counted. I did not. I don’t have a car- I need to get around to sell my paintings- my sole means of income. There was an event I needed to go to- I needed to set up my booth early (and hey, good news for the driver, if you show up early- there is no fee at the door, all your drinks are free, and I’ll probably waste my money on something nice for you). I was told she wasn’t going. She came to my house the next morning to sleep one off after partying her a** off at said event without even letting me know she was there. I asked her to cash in my jar of pocket change- turned out to be $40, at least she said so. I never got any of it. She spent it on gas and drinks. at the event she would have been freely allowed to go to. had she the forethought to even bring me along. Wherever I go, I get filthy stares. It’s always been this way for me- and I think it always will be. I really, really, am just so tired of all the poison surrounding me every day, my family treating me like s*** and telling me I’m untalented and delusional.
I’m so god f****** damn alone. I always have been, and I’ve never once believed that anyone has cared for me, and I’m done. I’m really f****** done. I’ve tried to kill myself before- multiple times. F***, I don’t even know if I have the f****** motivation to do it this time. I want to die. I really, really want to die. but is there even a point to that.
