You are a complete f****** broken mess.

You drink a little too much, do much more talking than listening, your family just like mine is all fucked up, and yet you play this cat and mouse game with me saying you love me and want to be my friend, but we both know what you really want to do is have an affair with me behind my wife’s back, yet I think about you a lot despite being aware that you’re completely wrong for me and this would hurt my wife.

I hate feeling this way.

The shame weighs heavily on my heart because I s******* desire you, but I’m also genuinely interested in you as a person even though I know you’re a train wreck and will be the destruction of my marriage and will cause my wife hurt and pain.

It bad enough that she see the attraction between us, but to allow it go to another level is a path I don’t want go to another level. I wish you’d meet another man and fall deeply in love with him. I hope he becomes the center of your universe and the two of you move away to Africa or Asia.

I don’t want to be alone with you because I know I will kiss you and you would kiss me back and that will lead to s**. I don’t want to FaceTime you anymore because then I will have that beautiful face of yours on my mind all day long.

Why do you have to be in our social circle? Why does my wife invite you to our dinner parties and outings knowing that I think you’re hot. She knows yet it’s almost like she’s setting me up to f*** our marriage up.

Maybe that’s my ego talking there, but that’s what it feels like. It feels like she’s testing me with you. I don’t know how to address this, and it stresses me out because I love my wife, but I also want you. I can’t have both, and even if my wife were okay with it, I can’t handle it, my mind is just not there.

Look at me, I’m a mess. I’m fucked up in the head because I want to have two women in my life, but not bold enough to go after it, because I don’t believe that I deserve it…