sometime ago I allowed someone to give birth to my child as I was unable to carry a baby myself from injury. where is my child? where is my baby?

I had to choose surrogacy in secret to have my child.

sometimes I look at pictures of babies and children and wonder is that my child that I have never even met yet.

I have visions of a father looking after my two beautiful children and they are asking “when is mommy coming home to be with us?” and the father say “I don’t know”.

I see mothers with children and wonder if they could be my child and I may never get to touch them or look into their eyes.

as a woman that feels so frightening but a reality of the world for the future for many women to come.