I just failed a test in a class I studied for, I understood, and I’m suppose to be majoring in.
I am living with my abusive mother who doesn’t understand me
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and mood swings but I can’t get treatment for it without paying $350 for blood work
Dont have money cause don’t have a job
Don’t have a job cause I don’t got a car
Don’t got a car cause I got in a car accident that totaled my car
Got in a car accident cause I was distracted while driving
Was distracted while driving cause I just got laid off my full time job and was worried about my expenses. Was checking my bank statement when I got into a car accident.
Got laid off my job because they couldn’t work around my school schedule.
Got laid off right after I got into a whole bunch of medical debt from being misdiagnosed with lupus. Luckily I don’t have lupus, just parvovirus B19 and a large debt.
The man I love is 15 years older than me and has a girlfriend. He claims he loves me too but he doesn’t love me enough to break up with her and work things out with me.
I want to be a botanist, plant geneticist, or just regular geneticist.
How the f*** am I going to do any of that with a 2.7 gpa and getting a 62.7 on my first test in principles of Ecology?
F******
Ecology
I f****** eat ecology for breakfast
And I got a D?!
I want to die. I legitimately am loosing the will to live. I have nothing to live for. My reasons why are a lot more than my why nots.
Why not:
My dog. Greywind. Literally one of the largest sense of purpose and responsibility I have to continue living.
My romantic entanglement. Even though he has a girlfriend he’s taught me a lot about myself and I feel as though he genuinely cares about me, and he would miss me if I killed myself.
My godmother. She is too old and has put up with me for too long for me to die sooner than she has. Shes 84.
The beauty of life. I love fauna and Flora of Earth. The natural beauty is abundant
Why:
Humans s***
I lack control
I can’t go through more pain and anxiety.
Life keeps throwing punches at me after whiping out a pistol and shooting me in the gut.