I don’t love this man I met and was pushed with at a party. we met up on two separate occasions and I knew it was not going to work out. everything I did with him was not me inside, and not my plans to be with him. nothing could make me want him based on his personality, the rough disregard he had for me, the way he spoke to me left me feeling flat. there was no love in what we did, on my part. I have no feelings for him. compared to a million men in my city or in the world that would have been a better catch and better love for me, he rated low with me due to his expectations, lack of care and compassion and his inhuman dull nature. I did not feel alive with him. I had no interest in what he did. I wonder did he notice I felt repulse and used. he was nasty that he didn’t like me talking or doing the things I liked to do. if I ever seen him again I would probably report him for stalking and abuse.

when I met a clean cut tall man called dave in the law office who used to drive me places in a nice car and eat with me, we talked about many things. I felt alive with him. I have tried to find someone. I knew ben for a brief time, he held my hand at the table in front of everyone and that made me feel a lot safer in front of those crude displaces of those animals.

I feel no guilt about telling my feelings here. I have moved on and have a number of guys I like.