A while ago it was brought up that my local police had the legal right to execute my dogs if they moved or barked whilst an officer was in the building. I remember being called “extreme” when I shared my thoughts on the subject, but years later, my stance has not changed in the slightest.

I don’t give a right royal f*** who you are. An officer of the law, a street urchin, a “vulnerable” individual or even the bloody Pope himself. If you, by intent or negligence, harm either of my beautiful dogs I will destroy you. What I mean by “destroy” you isn’t the least bit hyperbolic; I will actually methodically erase any and everything you hold dear to you and render you a hollow shell of the person you once were. I’m a very affluent, well-connected, and intelligent individual with plenty of time on my hands. And you best believe I can and will make time for you. I will unearth exactly what, or who, it is that shapes your identity and entirely bar you from access to it, without a shred of remorse. I will use the permanent record that is the cybersphere to embitter everyone, from loved ones to the public masses, against you in such a way that isolates you completely. You will have no one to turn to. You will have nowhere to go. Even if by chance you already thrive off perpetual solitude, you will never again have access to rights you once presumed fundamental. If you live in a house, I will get you evicted. If you live in a shelter, you will be thrown out. If you have a source of income, it will be demolished. If you regularly order pizza on a Friday evening, no pizza business in the foreseeable future will ever deign to exchange goods with you again, for the stain of your freshly-tarnished name will be too difficult for any company to wash out. I will strip you of every basic dignity afforded to a human being and construct a new, bastardized version of yourself from the remnants of the person you once were, which you will be forced to embody for the remainder of your wretched existence. My means are unspeakably heinous in their own right, but they’re well within my grasp, and for you I will gladly utilize them to their fullest extent. That’s how far I am willing to go. By the time I am through with you, you will want to gladly embrace the sweet release of death. However, I will not let you die peacefully on your own accord. I will meticulously plan every drawn-out, excruciating second of it through a favor from certain friends of mine.

That was my position then, and it’s still my position now. Nothing can or will ever change my mind.