I’m scared of my future. I have anxiety and mild depression. I don’t know if I’m straight or not. I don’t feel like a girl. I know I’m not a boy. I might be nonbinary. All I know is that I’m not cisgender. The only LGBT person in my family is my trans (mtf) aunt, who I didn’t even know about until she was at a party at my neighbor’s house. She was practically erased from our family. I’ve never talked to her and I don’t think she wants to talk to us. My dad is homophobic and transphobic. I feel like a liar. I’m scared but I’ll never be able to say that one of the reasons I want to kill myself is because I hate something about being female but I don’t know what. I can’t say that I’m scared the bigots are right and I’ll manage to win my fight with depression for God only to find out God doesn’t want me.