I am noticing the great inequity in the relationship. And he does not like having it pointed out. Because he knows he is wrong. Most of the time, when we know better we do better. He knows better and wants to continue in inequitable ways, regardless.

He expects that he will never be questioned. How can you expect that when you are taking away basic rights? Entire governments are overthrown by angry peoples because of this. We have a right to be, as we are, and you can’t take that from us. What even makes it comfortable for you to think you can and you will?

Today I woke up and realized losing you is not that big a deal. You threaten me to send me on my way and what big loss is that? You send me back into freedom. Is that supposed to scare me? In your perfectly constructed fantasy that you don’t want to come out of, it should. Sir, you don’t realize the error in your thought. You aren’t the center of the world like you fantasize you are and anything that exposes that fact scares the s*** out of you. But it’s the truth.

I think where I struggled was that didn’t really think you wanted to be that kind of person. I still don’t think you really do but I can’t tell if you can come out of it– because I think what you have is largely pathological.

But yeah, I woke up from you today. And I have never felt more free. I am done. Done being scared of you. And the reason is you live and rule with fear but fear is not the natural state of who I am. I am loving and kind and free. That is who I am, my natural state and you grind against it but you cannot overrule it. I can’t even understand why you’d try.

I’m going away from you in my heart. And it feels good. It’s so terrible that you couldn’t get with the program. It would have been really great for us. I’m a good person and I love with all my heart– and even all the love I’ve given in the last four years, you experienced none of it. Never really felt it at all. You even say you don’t feel loved from me but the fact of the matter is you don’t have the ability to FEEL anything at all anyway! That’s why you are so dependent on s**– it’s the only way you get to feel the exhilaration of anything.

It’s not been a wash, though. I’ve learned and grown and I am stronger and a better person for it all. But I cannot wait to get on with the next phase of my life. It’s crazy amazing what else might be out there for me.:)