I moved states a few years ago to get away from the lifestyle I was living. I was addicted to heroin and figured the best way to get clean would be to cut all ties. I was right, and I’ve been clean since I moved. I met a guy who is always kind to me and I’ve made all sorts of friendships like none I have ever had back in the city I moved from. But when I think about home, and the big city I moved from I miss it. Even though I have virtually no family there and never had friends due to my previous abusive relationship and drug addiction. I love the guy I’m with now, well I thought I did until a few weeks ago. Now I feel like its fading because of my mood swings and depression lately. The thing is he is good for me, hes always kind and caring, willing to listen and never angry for mistakes I make. He doesn’t do drugs and keeps me on the straight and narrow. But now, I feel like the love is fading a few years in and these thoughts are consuming me. I was diagnosed mildly bipolar as a teenager, but I haven’t ever felt such a downswing. Lately, all I can think of is moving back to my city, 26 hours away from this tiny town I live in now. I am secretly trying to save up to move comfortably, I want to make sure I have several months of rent saved to ensure I am comfortable. I keep looking at apartments in my old neighborhood, and know I could go back to my old job, where I made much more than I do now. I make sure to do it on private because I don’t want him to know because it will hurt him. I can’t stop, even though this town is the first place I’ve ever had such good experiences and friendships. I feel home calling me, and am thinking of abandoning everything I’ve built here to go back and be alone.