My mother and father never gave me hugs as a little girl or told me that they loved me, My mother did buy me birthday gifts and buy me clothes and food

7 years

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My mother and father never gave me hugs as a little girl or told me that they loved me, My mother did buy me birthday gifts and buy me clothes and food but thats as far as her affection goes,
She never came out of her room because he told her not to, plus she was so in love with my father she couldn’t see straight and gave him total control over the household and everything in it, She only shows any affection when it comes to a man.. He beat me with leather belts and shoes really bad over stupid stuff, He also beat my sister brother and mother on the daily…
And he made us clean and scrub all day
While he sat down and drank beer all day,made us do military exercise and if we quit would beat the crap out of us too, He didn’t even have a job maybe one or two for a short spell..

He used to try and pay me for s** when I was about 9 Y/O and every time I would say no he would put his price up( “how about 30 How about 100”?) When nobody was around in the daytime and we were sitting in the livingroom,he had his zipper down let his d*** out then ask me to look at him, Every mountain bike I got for my birthday which was my only source of joy he would take them out ride them until they broke never to buy another one and he would do this every birthday,

He never had any empathy for anybody but him.My mother didn’t call the police and threatened me not to call.
She plays victim and acts like she didn’t hear daily beating.
After his did all of this(That’s not all he has done) He told me I will never feel as much pain as him..

Now that I’m a mother I find that sometimes I get too aggressive with my daughter and i cant calm my rage when she acts disrespectful or acts up at school.I get afraid that I might hurt her, but when she good I’m always a loving mother.

I’ve had enjoying thoughts about killing him over and over again, and I’ve also had enjoying thoughts about going on a spree and killing other abusive fathers and husbands, If I kill one would I feel satisfied?
I think if I killed one that would just make me feel better for one day..
Kidnapping one and holding him in my basement just to torment would give me a great sense of satisfaction. Because everyday is a brand new day

Thanks for reading:Miss Carter

New Confession

I’m nothing but a disloyal masochistic w****.
Moaning a different woman’s name every week.
And no fang makes the difference for me except for yours.
A void that a woman makes in a week hurts more than one for years.
Blood runs down my arms in this bustling broken city.
I leave a trail of red water that rusts against the stone.
Each connection I make feels like forever.
And they last as long as the fire of a candle.

I don’t mean anything to you in the end.
I’m just a face that you keep around for nothing.
You think that all I care about is myself.
You think that I don’t want to give myself away to you.
But I understand because I’m broken anyways.
So I can’t blame you for leaving.
And I don’t want to hold on to hurt you.
So I suffer. Painfully. Alone. Screaming. Wailing. For you.

You’re disgusting. You go find another woman already and talk to her? You didn’t want her to
look at your poetry, you just want a woman to be around so she can take care of you, so she
can make you feel the way you want to feel. That’s all you want, right? It’s all you want.
You just want me around so I can make you feel happy, you don’t care for me at all, and if
you did, you would be different. You’d be different, you’d change. You’d do anything for me,
even if it’s me leaving. If you REALLY loved me, you’d let me leave forever. You’d let me
leave forever and forget about me. That’s what you’d do. That’s what you’d do. That’s exactly
what you’d do. You disgusting w****. You disgusting w**** of a man. Your face is disheveled,
your body is configured incorrectly and you aren’t caring in the slightest, you rotten sulking
statue of a man. But I still care about you. You are an unkempt and hapless soul.

You need to stop talking on the internet and you need to go get a job and get out of my house.
You do not have the power to tell me what I can and can’t do because you constantly demand
everyone and you are rude to everyone.

I’m sorry, your application has been denied and we have decided to move forward with other
candidates. I’m sorry, I’m going to pull your f****** teeth out the top of your head and
scream and wail as I cry knowing I have just committed a grand atrocity and will NEVER EVER
be able to feel innocent again in my f****** life because I finally grew the courage to push
myself that far to violence! But I’ll never do it because I hate being angry and I want to be
happy. It is hapless. It is hapless. It is hapless.

Give me my ring back, you don’t deserve it because you are an unkempt and hapless f****** soul.
You made me pull my hair out and you’re going to give me a heart attack and you made me waste
all my money on your worthless a**. You stupid w****.

In the words of someone who goes forward with nothing but their own goal in mind, someone who is
quite similar to me, I will say that I greatly fear death and pain, yet I do seek the thought
of it. It’s why I’ve never killed myself because I fear pain and I don’t want anyone else to
kill me. It is all equally horrifying. Similarly, pain is all I know.

You stupid w****. You’ve lost your novelty to me. I ate your time like a bag of potato chips
and you mean nothing to me. After all I’ve given you the least you can do is do it all back.
Learn to reciprocate, you valueless paramour. You are so hollow that you are at the point of
philandering, moseying your way into the thresholds of pain. I’ve lost interest in you, you
worthless boy.

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Imma a guy and like dressing feminine. Undies fit good becus small size bulge. Wanna go full femboy, learning abt makeup. Love skirts and lacey shorts.