After lunch I took what seemed like a gigantic s*** at work. One of those really good ones that take a minute to get started? You know you feel something b*** up against your sphincter on the inside like your body is sayin “Oh S***, how’s it ever gonna fit to go out of the a******??” Then it starts to slide out and it’s oh so f****** good. Nice and firm and just greasy enough to slide out easily once it starts, and it goes on like for-f*****-ever and it feels like your hole is gaped the f*** open??

Then I got up and looked down to see this massive masterpiece that felt like a f***** baby ..and NOTHING. There is NOTHING in the bowl.

Utter, utter disappointment.