this is super personal and people might find it gross and judge me for it but I need some serious advice here..

so Im a straight male 29 years old and have a girlfriend ive been with almost 10 years.

We are very close and love eachother dearly. sometimes we get super close to a point where we will go to the bathroom together (#1 and #2). we will ask eachother “come with me?” and while her and/or myself are on the toilet doing our business we will just chat about how our day was or whatever.. not s*****, just casual, natural, since were that comfortable around eachother.
however, having been doing this for the amount of years we have been, Im noticing for some reason or another Ive become s******* interested in this behavior that her and I have in the bathroom. I have no desire to Pull turds out of the toilet and play with them or do any horrifying stuff with them like some people do (not judging, just not for me).
I just really like watching her more than ever. the sounds, the sight of it, the smell. stuff like that. I want to watch it come out of her a** (without touching it) but im afraid to ask her

Its to a point now where if theres a time where we cant go to the bathroom together (like if were out with friends, have company over or at a family members house or something like that)
where its not apropriate to go to the bathroom with her without it being weird for everyone around us.
She will mention to me she has to go and is going to go and be right back. no big deal but in my mind I start getting this crippling anxiety because she will text me while in there and tell me that shes droppin a load or something just out of humor. we will txt back and forth so shes entertained while in there i suppose.. (sometimes she can take 5-15 min.) which im happy to do but because when shes in there and I know about it and cant be there I start getting anxious and nervous because I want to be in there and watch.
I have no desire for this strange fetish to go away, not sure if I plan to tell her about this either. i want her to be able to go alone if she wants to, i love her so much and want to respect her wishes in all aspects. but I really want to figure out how to control this anxiety..
we are moving in together for the first time in a few months and I fear that once we live together she wont want me go to in the bathroom with her anymore and watch/chat with her like we used to. Im assuming once we move in I should tell her and hope to god she doesnt hate me or judge me for it. she loves me enough where i dont think that would happen but im just so afraid. we still go in there and she lets me watch but im so afraid if i tell her she will stop all together..
I sometimes avoid going out with her and her family for fear she will have to go and i cant join her. i wouldnt want to talk to her parents while in the middle of some strange anxiety attack.
For the record, she has no problem letting me go in there with her during most situations, and she will join me in there as well but isnt as into it as i am. if shes watchin a tv show she just stays where she is and i just do what i gotta do which doesnt bother me as much as i would think it would considering my issues.
just dont want it to stop, and dont want it to get worse either..

anyone else have some weird quirk like this? im trying to get some advice so i dont drive myself insane and not ruin anymore time out with my partner. also dont want living with her to be full of anxiety and fear. this is supposed to be the happiest years of our lives.. I love her so much beyond words. and I want our bathroom thing to stay the same, or get better…

my god looking back on this I got issues lol

I appropriate any of you reading this and providing advice. I cant be the only one who has this ‘watch my girl take a poop’ fantasy