I’m turning 30 in five days and I’m a piece of trash woman who should have killed herself years ago. Nobody knows what a p************ I am. My company thinks I’m hardworking and talented but the truth is I work from home and nap, binge eat and look at Facebook all day. But it’s so easy to do my job and they don’t realise I’m getting paid to be a lazy a**. I’m married to a handsome, motivated, devoted husband and all I do is fantasize about this other man who’s also a trashbag like me, except much older, broke and a drunkard. People think I’m beautiful but I am clever with my makeup, wearing a lot but making it look like I have none. I’m a master of deceit. But I’ll get fat soon with all my disgusting eating and people will see the real me. An ugly lazy piece of worthless s*** not good enough for my perfect husband, my amazing company, my beautiful family, this beautiful home, even my pets who I’m too lazy to really take care of. No wonder I can’t get pregnant. The universe knows I’m a pathetic shitbag. I’m going to off myself before my birthday.

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