My partner and I have been together for a while (8years?) and this feeling has never left me. Whenever we go to visit his family, I feel tossed aside. Now listen, I realize he has not seen his family in a few months and I don’t get in the way of him seeing them, if anything I encourage it but when we are there (and keep in mind this is not intentional on his part, he is just very.. thoughtless? about these things?) when we are there he does not engage with me or try to make me comfortable.

So Okay sure, I can make myself comfortable but it’s just sort of embarrassing for me, in front of his family, for them to see how he treats me around them but I kind of smile and shrug it off in front of them like that’s just how we are as a couple. Does that make sense?

I’ve tried to talk to him about this maybe like once, but when he hears anything he doesn’t like he get very defensive and we cannot come to a conclusion. It turns into, ‘well you do this!’ and he says things that I do wrong which aren’t even relevant to the original conversation. It’s to the point where I’ve accepted being tossed aside at family gatherings as a normal thing but the thought still lingers in my mind every single time.

I thought maybe it’s just his culture or how his family is, but his siblings don’t show the same distance to their partners in front of their parents, so I’m feeling a bit less than – I don’t know, worthy? I feel like I don’t belong when I am there and I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing myself onto them either.

On top of all that awkwardness I have a sister in law who likes to trash talk about me to the family. My partner and I live in a different city from his family so we are not around as often as they are. I am a ‘heathen’ who will not ‘accept’ her religion. I kid you not she thinks I’m the freaking antichrist and I have not done ANYTHING to her other than have an open conversation about religion ONCE(that SHE brought up), and she was so upset that I would not say some certain words of her faith.

Sometimes I wonder if this is even right. Sometimes I find myself thinking, I just don’t belong here. Then I think, well if the family was more loving to me would I feel different about our relationship? Would I have these thoughts of ‘can I do this? for the rest of my life?’ or would I feel more relieved like they are just hiccups along the way? Is this a normal feeling with in laws?

My partner treats me well. He supports me and my lifestyle. He says he loves me. We are not married and are without kids. Yet I feel so selfish for even thinking ‘Could someone love me more? Could I be happier? Am I happy?’ Of course I’m happy.. I don’t have to worry financially, my s** needs are met, I have a home, food. He comes home everyday.. where I sit and wait… everyday. I don’t see or talk to any of my old friends anymore. I get onto social sites every now and then, but even then I just watch. If he found out I was talking to someone, he would have to know their name, gender and why I’m talking to them.

The thought scares me… I don’t know if this relationship counts as abuse to the both of us, but just having the mere thoughts that I do and by having that questioning feeling, I can’t help but feel like something might be wrong here. But again, I feel selfish for even considering it.

I should stop these silly thoughts to support and love him regardless.. right?