I suffer from panic attacks, over stupid things. talking or reading out loud, drama or anything to do with s** or having to do things and what makes it worse is that I feel so ugly and fat and my teacher has made me feel such a failure. I wish I could punch her face in.
I would like to go back to university but I am too afraid to. I don’t know why I get so afraid to sit in a classroom with people. I get this sometimes at the dentist or doctor in the waiting room I panic, in buses and trains. I feel claustrophic and closed in like I can’t breathe. I get dizzy and feel like I am going to collapse.
sometimes I get panic attacks at the dinner table and its pathetic I can’t even eat with others and I have trouble swallowing sometimes. I hate it when the doctor wants to look down my throat I often gag on the spatula in fear. why do I feel this way?
but then I think f*** how much I f****** hate pap smears. that is hell. I want to punch their face in and I have to pretend its not hurting.
I think if people treated me nicer it would help. when I was at college at tafe I had some lovely drama and legal teachers who were much more understanding. I am afraid to leave the house sometimes.
I used to lock myself in my room a lot.
I want to meet a nice guy but not sure where to go.
