I suffer from panic attacks, over stupid things. talking or reading out loud, drama or anything to do with sex or having to do things and what makes it

13 years

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I suffer from panic attacks, over stupid things. talking or reading out loud, drama or anything to do with s** or having to do things and what makes it worse is that I feel so ugly and fat and my teacher has made me feel such a failure. I wish I could punch her face in.

I would like to go back to university but I am too afraid to. I don’t know why I get so afraid to sit in a classroom with people. I get this sometimes at the dentist or doctor in the waiting room I panic, in buses and trains. I feel claustrophic and closed in like I can’t breathe. I get dizzy and feel like I am going to collapse.

sometimes I get panic attacks at the dinner table and its pathetic I can’t even eat with others and I have trouble swallowing sometimes. I hate it when the doctor wants to look down my throat I often gag on the spatula in fear. why do I feel this way?

but then I think f*** how much I f****** hate pap smears. that is hell. I want to punch their face in and I have to pretend its not hurting.

I think if people treated me nicer it would help. when I was at college at tafe I had some lovely drama and legal teachers who were much more understanding. I am afraid to leave the house sometimes.

I used to lock myself in my room a lot.

I want to meet a nice guy but not sure where to go.

New Confession

taking a shower with my dad in the celler after work , i said to him dad you are soo much larger than me can i touch it? yes rub it softly he said i did and it got larger the skin had pulled back he was rubbing my lil one he drew me loser said leanover and s*** it softly , i got excited i was trying to s*** it it was too large, he pulled my headdown and whispered now s*** it son softly no teeth/ i had the head in my mouth he was holdingthe back of my head he was moving it now in my mouth . u like it dont you yes dad alot please let me s*** u daily in this shower? yes but u must empty it first u need to emoty it u understand? u must swollow it all no wasting it. hev was moving in my mouth holding my headb gaging me now. then a large amount of was cream leaked in my mouth he held my head tight i was gagging hesaid swolow it all now your my lil, botch now arent you u need it dont you.. i mumbled yes dad please let me do this every day,he said a few times a weekyour sister needs her turn also. i fraked out you mean lil kimmey does this to you also, ys and shes very greatfull if i lick her lil p**** to. oh god id lve to also lick her. shewll s*** u soon will u like that , id die firtat dad thank you, u like to watch us dad?yes no fooling arround without me here u understand, oh i promise dad ii knelt and sucked his c*** for him, again,

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