I’m not getting the medical care I need after something terrible happened.
It’s been a two years of agony.
I’ve made up my mind.
If by my next birthday I’m still in horrible pain I’m going to tell my spouse that we need to make a decision together as a family.
A) I’ll become an alcoholic to cope with the pain.
B) I’ll find other means of self destruction

1) We give the children up for adoption. They can’t take seeing me like this
2) or I leave and come back anywhere between a month to a year after ice worked this out
3) we break the family up for good and I kill myself (just to be free from intense chronic pain)

This is no life I am living. I feel only numbness when I see my baby.
Ssris didn’t fix the depression because it’s a response to overwhelming pain.
My soul is tired.
I want to numb, alone, or dead.