I’m becoming incredibly disinterested in my marriage of 8 years with my wife.

I do my best to provide her a good life, where we are raising our 2 year old together in a wonderful, acceptable home, warm food every day, clothed well (even though she likes to shop as a hobby at 2nd hand stores, she could easily get new fashionable clothing), and every need taken care of. She desires to work full time, even though we could live comfortably just on my income, but she feels it gives her some sense of accomplishment. A lot of what I have accomplished and own, she has become a beneficiary of everything. I try to be emotionally supportive for her on her bad days, and I feel I do this quite well. I am a good father, and am very active in my child’s life…a lot of people tell me we’re good parents, but just to note, a lot of people specifically have told us that I’m a good dad and that my kiddoe is very blessed for that.

But something has unhinged in my wife, and she’s become this bland, unsupportive, verbally abusive person. She holds me emotionally hostage, often having fits and yells at me infront of my child. She tells me all the time, “It helps me when you don’t yell back, and I’m just able to recover quicker when I’m mad.” but that’s so irresponsible on her part, basically telling me she’s incapable of managing her own emotions and violent talk. She technically owns both vehicles, because my last car was 16 years old and just became undrivable, so I had to get rid of it. However, she has her own car which is doing very well, and we inherited an SUV from her father when he passed away (which was terrible, and I supported her all this time, but most likely is also tributing to her frustrations too…obviously I have given her a “free pass” on this). Now that I don’t have my own car, even though I drive the SUV, I have zero say in things like maybe trading it in or selling it privately to get one that’s newer.

Moreso, I’ve started my own small business on the side, to provide more and to make some money to do more things, like get my own car since she made that apparent that that’s the only way I can have a say in a vehicle. I’ve been relatively very successful in my side gig, and made a good bit of money. However, since then, she has increased in her anger, and it’s become more apparent she is becoming more controlling.

Anyway, the point is, this has been going on for about two years. Everyday it’s like walking on eggshells at home. Before these two years, making love was at least a two-three times a week thing…sometimes more. But now it’s MAYBE just a few days, once a month, when she is ovulating because she wants #2 kiddo. So maybe 3 times total a month, and it’s so damn robotic…I’m desperate for the passionate l********* we use to do to put it bluntly! I don’t masterbate unless I’m absolutely in need for release, which S****!!!

Up to this point, she has been my one and only. Never have I been with someone else. I use to go to extreme lengths to not even be tempted by other women…even to the point of never making eye contact or holding my breath so I don’t smell their perfume…like I said, VERY extreme, but I’ve been very extremely loyal to my wife too…

So now since I’m hitting a bottom, I’m starting to not even care anymore. After these last two years, I’m entirely comfortable with looking and even fantasizing about other women. I dream and loving the idea of running away and starting fresh, but that would mean leaving my kid…which is disastrous to me, but her behavior has made me miserable. My life is miserable. I’m very miserable.

I want love. I need love. I’m not just talking about s**…I need affection, admiration, and respect. I never want to be proud or boastful, but I’ve done A LOT. For friends, for her and my family, for THIS family, and especially for her.

I need me a woman. Beautiful, pleasurable to the eyes, affectionate and respectful, and someone who loves me. My wife use to be that. She is still physically very attractive. Not a 8 or a 9, but still a beautiful 7 that I adored…but with her awful characteristics and personality now, it really doesn’t matter how beautiful she could be…she’s a 2 at best. Nowadays, she’s a zero. I have no desire to be with her anymore.

It’s so bad now, I find myself with zero ambitions for friends, family, interests…I’ve seen a great therapist and he has diagnosed me with high depression. I’ve never been depressed. I want to just sleep all the time, hide away at home all the time, and more and more I find myself crying. Never did that before, at least this often. I’ve cried when my baby was born…that was a happy cry. Now I’m crying because life is miserable…

I need companionship. I need someone beautiful in my life. I need a woman to make love to. It’s about to happen. It would take a day or two of flirting with someone I have in mind, and I would have it all. It would be a dangerous, complicated, secret life, but with this other woman, my sadness would all go away, even if it were temporary.

I need her…I might just make that call now…