I’m becoming incredibly disinterested in my marriage of 8 years with my wife.
I do my best to provide her a good life, where we are raising our 2 year old together in a wonderful, acceptable home, warm food every day, clothed well (even though she likes to shop as a hobby at 2nd hand stores, she could easily get new fashionable clothing), and every need taken care of. She desires to work full time, even though we could live comfortably just on my income, but she feels it gives her some sense of accomplishment. A lot of what I have accomplished and own, she has become a beneficiary of everything. I try to be emotionally supportive for her on her bad days, and I feel I do this quite well. I am a good father, and am very active in my child’s life…a lot of people tell me we’re good parents, but just to note, a lot of people specifically have told us that I’m a good dad and that my kiddoe is very blessed for that.
But something has unhinged in my wife, and she’s become this bland, unsupportive, verbally abusive person. She holds me emotionally hostage, often having fits and yells at me infront of my child. She tells me all the time, “It helps me when you don’t yell back, and I’m just able to recover quicker when I’m mad.” but that’s so irresponsible on her part, basically telling me she’s incapable of managing her own emotions and violent talk. She technically owns both vehicles, because my last car was 16 years old and just became undrivable, so I had to get rid of it. However, she has her own car which is doing very well, and we inherited an SUV from her father when he passed away (which was terrible, and I supported her all this time, but most likely is also tributing to her frustrations too…obviously I have given her a “free pass” on this). Now that I don’t have my own car, even though I drive the SUV, I have zero say in things like maybe trading it in or selling it privately to get one that’s newer.
Moreso, I’ve started my own small business on the side, to provide more and to make some money to do more things, like get my own car since she made that apparent that that’s the only way I can have a say in a vehicle. I’ve been relatively very successful in my side gig, and made a good bit of money. However, since then, she has increased in her anger, and it’s become more apparent she is becoming more controlling.
Anyway, the point is, this has been going on for about two years. Everyday it’s like walking on eggshells at home. Before these two years, making love was at least a two-three times a week thing…sometimes more. But now it’s MAYBE just a few days, once a month, when she is ovulating because she wants #2 kiddo. So maybe 3 times total a month, and it’s so damn robotic…I’m desperate for the passionate l********* we use to do to put it bluntly! I don’t masterbate unless I’m absolutely in need for release, which S****!!!
Up to this point, she has been my one and only. Never have I been with someone else. I use to go to extreme lengths to not even be tempted by other women…even to the point of never making eye contact or holding my breath so I don’t smell their perfume…like I said, VERY extreme, but I’ve been very extremely loyal to my wife too…
So now since I’m hitting a bottom, I’m starting to not even care anymore. After these last two years, I’m entirely comfortable with looking and even fantasizing about other women. I dream and loving the idea of running away and starting fresh, but that would mean leaving my kid…which is disastrous to me, but her behavior has made me miserable. My life is miserable. I’m very miserable.
I want love. I need love. I’m not just talking about s**…I need affection, admiration, and respect. I never want to be proud or boastful, but I’ve done A LOT. For friends, for her and my family, for THIS family, and especially for her.
I need me a woman. Beautiful, pleasurable to the eyes, affectionate and respectful, and someone who loves me. My wife use to be that. She is still physically very attractive. Not a 8 or a 9, but still a beautiful 7 that I adored…but with her awful characteristics and personality now, it really doesn’t matter how beautiful she could be…she’s a 2 at best. Nowadays, she’s a zero. I have no desire to be with her anymore.
It’s so bad now, I find myself with zero ambitions for friends, family, interests…I’ve seen a great therapist and he has diagnosed me with high depression. I’ve never been depressed. I want to just sleep all the time, hide away at home all the time, and more and more I find myself crying. Never did that before, at least this often. I’ve cried when my baby was born…that was a happy cry. Now I’m crying because life is miserable…
I need companionship. I need someone beautiful in my life. I need a woman to make love to. It’s about to happen. It would take a day or two of flirting with someone I have in mind, and I would have it all. It would be a dangerous, complicated, secret life, but with this other woman, my sadness would all go away, even if it were temporary.
I need her…I might just make that call now…
All Comments
youre having issues with your mate and instead of fixing issues with your mate, youre going to call some woman. very logical. have a great day.
I guess it wasn’t apparent, but for the two last years, I have tried fixing these issues…but her issues are very illogical and irrational. I’ve at least gone to a therapist…she refuses to. I’ve taken on a side gig that is mostly passive income, and given her lovely gifts and taken her out to nicer dates. I’ve cried and pleaded with her and asked what is bothering her so much…but nothing she gives back makes sense.
I’ve done a lot…
ppl who have given up on trying should get a divorce. idk, what calling some woman is going to. but enjoy.
I think that you need to speak to her about how you feel before you go down the route of no return. Also in our modern society women are expected to have a full time job, earn their own money and look after children. It appears as though there may be some frustration and jealousy on her part which she needs to work through. Speak to your wife about how you feel, then let her know that she is risking ruining your marriage and you filling for divorce because of her abusive outbursts, which is being observed by your child. Then suggest a councillor. Wish you all the best.
Trust me, I have tried to speak to her about how I feel, and there were a few times where it started civil, but most of the time, it would slowly become a pity party and she would do her best to make a mountain out of a molehill with one of her “issues”, and the conversation would turn to a plea from my side, to a full out emotional blowup on her part.
I have sat her down several times to show her our finances, and showed her how well we would do on just my own salary. She has expressed several times how much she would love to just stay home and take care of our baby, but you’re right, society has warped women, my wife specifically, that she “HAS” to have this job, even though she is miserable in it right now. The perfect opportunity for her to stay home, life a great life, take care of our baby, take her to friends homes and have play dates (all of which my wife has expressed she would love to do), but she won’t do it…
She comes from a divorced family, and it seems that while she HATED that her mom and dad divorced, it definitely affected her life, and I’m afraid the moment she sniffs the possibility of divorce and that I feel SHE is risking the ruining of the marriage, she’ll blow up and make the first move…and we know in this society, women get absolutely treasured in courts, and the guy gets shafted.
By the way, I don’t even want to go that route…
You sound so scared. I’m sorry. I can relate to what you’re going through. My own partner became increasingly verbally abusive after the birth of our child a year ago.
It sounds like she has a personality disorder.
It’s also an option that she has postpartum depression. Some women only develop rage and the urge to have more kids (with growing resentment to the father).
You sound so alone and desperate for a place where you can be held and loved. I’m sorry for the pain you’re in.
My husbands parents divorced when he was a toddler and his previously only verbally abusive mom grew to become physically abusive without his father to protect him.
If you divorce her please make sure you get your child. Find out if you live in a state where you can record her yelling at you as proof of being a bad mom.
Don’t have an affair. It’ll only complicate your life more and she will find a way to destroy your reputation with it.
Look- if it’s really this bad with her you need to talk to a doctor about what she does and how alone you feel. At least they can confirm in court that you wanted to fix things.
You’re a good father but she’s a bad wife and bad mother (for exposing your child to fights like she does).
Ultimately it’s better to be missing a mother (and later get a step mom) than have an abusive mom with a father slowly becoming distant because of his inner turmoil.
I say set up an elaborate scheme to show you tried fixing things, divorce her, rebuild your life and find a woman to grow old with.
Genuinely try to fix things in the first step though. Take her to therapy if you have to.
Oh and as a stay at home mom myself it is hard because we feel an obligation to do it all, a lot of women (including myself) find sex painful after having a child but remain sexually frustrated.
It’s still not excuse for her shit and I think she needs a full evaluation and to be removed from your lives because she sounds histrionic but still.
Good luck man.