I honestly want to break myself I just kind of hate life and my body, and every day feels the same. Like you know when a clock goes tick, tock? And it just reminds you time goes on? Well that’s how life feels to me.
So I want to literally break myself mentally and emotionally, and then I’ll laugh at pain. By inflicting it on myself and trying to change my mind.
I want to become a monster, even though I already am one I want to become much more worse and stronger.
I wished to feel nothing once, and it actually came true and I also wished to get away from family and friends and that came true also.
But it did break me and hurt me. Which is good progress.
I’d love to be shoved against a wall and beaten up by a few people. And threatened that they’d kill me.
I’ve gotten thrown rocks at before and told if I did anything I’d be killed. But I loved it. I acted all sad because I knew if I acted happy they’d stop and freak out. But I wish they would’ve killed me, I would have been so happy.
Seeing blood excites me even more. And I know I probably sound all “edgy” and crap like the rest of those goddamn teenagers. But trust me, this is a real need and want, not some post on tumbler about how I want to die and kill everyone in a school. That s***’s stupid.
I’ve already started, and they just sit there acting all “cool” or whatever when they don’t even know the feeling of sliding a blade down their sides, arms, and legs. To cut is like an addiction, it’s not because it “helps” because of the “pain.” No over time it becomes an addiction to the point you just do it for fun. I used to do it because it did help some pain, but it never actually helped. It just was a distraction.
Pain is something I love now, because real love like hugging someone and telling them they’re special doesn’t exist now. There’s no good endings or friends in life. They’re all just trying to kill you or cause you pain. You can’t be happy in life, you can only be sad and miserable.
So why not embrace the pain and love it? Why not wear it with a smile? And show the whole world how disgusting they are to make a human go insane?
