This will be just random, and messed up. Im fucked in the head, Im f****** sick, Im both super nice and evil. I hate myself so much I hate going out because I feel like people feel disgusted whenever they look at me since thats the exact same feeling I get whenever I look at myself, Im a dumb person despite me knowing alot of things, I help others but I just dont give a single f*** about me and I wish that I just lose my memory, I lost people I loved, some died, some left, some chose to leave, I dont even have a face nor a body like everyone else, not even a single relationship was worth it, I have friends, or thats what they say, I mean Im the one they tell their problems to, its my name that they use whenever they want to get something and it is me the one they use to get something, I dont een have a person I can share my feelings and secrets to, I have no one, not even my own self. When did I become like this ? So hopeless and pathetic ? I hate my existance, those who I know are just living their lives, I dont envy them Im happy for them, at least seeing some people I know arent as useless as I am right ?, not a single thing turned out to be the way I wanted it to, I never imagined my life to be like this, years passed, days passed and days will pass and I will remain like this, I cant change what its already done, I never wanted my life to be like this but its always gonna be like this anyway. Trust me, Im a real ugly pathetic fat girl who only serves others when it comes to being used, I think thats the thing I do best, you know…being used or being used as a bridge to cross. I hate this, I hate me, I hate my life, I want to go away, I want to foregt everything, i want to stop this, I just cant, I just cant do this anymore but Im not going to end my life anyway my family is pretty small I only have a mother and a sibiling I lost my dad so making my family go through that again would be a selfish thing from me to do, so I guess Ill have to keep living with this feeling inside, I dont even know what Im doing, why do I even exist ? Im so sorry
