I met this guy online. He was out of this world like someone from Mission Impossible. I then found out that is about 8 years older than me. He was a divorcee. We communicated for a while but we drifted. Eventually I got married and then I contacted him again. He was charming as ever. I felt guilty for chatting to him without my husband being aware. I knew I had to stop. Stop I did until now, that like over 1 year. He knows how to push my buttons and make me feel special. He knows I am married and that it’s complicated. I find myself obssessing over him even though the age gap bothers me and the fact that I am married to a mostly wonderful man who wants us to have a child even though I am frustrated at the thought of falling pregnant again.
I just don’t want to have a child again. Everyone suggested therapy and a solo holiday to recharge, but I am scared. The guy that I am crushimg invited me over to his place. I know that if I was single, I would have gone in a heart beat. I would fall right into his arms. I am married and even though my husband and I are not on good terms over the past few weeks, I can’t take the risk. It is fruitless to think that this guy will be my ultimate. I need to stop flirting with him and work on my emotional & physical health. I need my real husband back. However! I will not be soft-soaped anymore into having a child just because we are aging and that we should continue the family legacy. No one should force another to have a child if they are not ready or do not wish so for the rest of their life. Not having is child is not a sign of weakness. Forget societal image. Live a true and authentic self. Appreciate relationships but know when it’s time to move onwards.