I am suicidal, and I know that it will never change. I wanted to be the only one, but then my friend came along confessing to my other friend, it’s not selfish, it’s just that she doesn’t deserve to suffer. I like causing pain, I’m too tired to be productive, I don’t study, I’m judgemental, ugly, fucked up, I killed a lot of things and might sooner or later kill my friends. Her wrong doings? drink alcohol at a young age! Talk back to her bullshitting parents that left her after the divorce. THEY LEFT HER AND HER BROTHER TO START THEIR OWN F****** FAMILIES. While she’s crying, cursing at her parents “Why am I the one with the broken family? Why does she get to have my mom, why does she get to have my dad. I’m the original, WHY WHY WHY”

And then my friends don’t understand, why didn’t she confess to me? Why does no one cry out to me, I like causing pain but I held back, I’m only tired because I’m don’t wanna live anymore but here I am! I can’t be productive in this situation but I try my best! I don’t study cause I don’t wanna waste my time, I wanna make memories with my friends! Imma kill myself anyway so what’s the point? I’m my mom’s atm! Till I’m 18 I have to suffer, when I reach that age, BYE BYE BASKY, HELLO NOOSE, I HAVE 4 YEARS LEFT I’M SO EXCITED. I’m judgemental of myself, I hate myself, big forehead, no lips, wide face, ugly hair, saggy b***, no breast, broad shoulders, fat arms, ugly voice, eyes with black circles, I’m such a f****** boy magnet huh? I embarrassed myself when I decided I liked a guy, now I won’t feel again, I’ll beat myself, I already do and I love it, it’s better than causing pain to others! All these bruises, I let my dogs chew on me which causes bruises, my mom doesn’t care, sometimes I cry cause it hurts but I try not to because I deserve it. The places I punch myself the most is on the face, it hurts like hell and I love it. I tried to cut myself, but it doesn’t BEAT beating myself. I was just depressed a second ago, now I’m enjoying myself! Not really BUT WHO CARES, NO ONE. People I’ve met on amino and discord and dicks, I tried to make friends but no one cared. I asked someone on how to make a friend, he was a jerk. then the other person. and the other. PIECES OF S***.
I actually thought I had a reason to live, it was to draw, but I’m too tired to try anymore. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Look, I’m depressed again, hahah. I got a graphics tablet, I got home and it was broken but my mom wasn’t really convinced, maybe I just didn’t do something right, after a week of trying, unboxing and boxing over and overM we returned, and they confirmed it was broken. I lost the receipt so we couldn’t return it, It was my fault, and I really wanted that tablet, I guess I’m done drawing. now I’m crying, f***. I really wanted it.

I’m not depressed, am I? My friend’s advice (to the first friend who confessed) is to shut up because other people have it tougher than you do, I immediately barked at her which got me weird looks from my friends. I was just defending her, why the f*** would you say that to someone who is suicidal? she claimed to be suicidal, wouldn’t be a surprise if she was. I don’t pity her to be honest, she’s rude and frank, she started screaming at my close friend till she cried and when she did she said it was just a joke, why are you crying?
Another is that it seems that she has a disagreeing response to everything I say. Adding to those,she hates her mother because she doesn’t approve of her mother’s boyfriend, she doesn’t respond to her mother who’s abroad working for her, she straight out says she hates her, jokes about who the f*** she is, and is a d*** in general. The mom is also at fault, like me,our fathers are dead, her dad died sooner, at age 4 maybe? Mine was 9, I didn’t care much. He didn’t want me anyway.

OK, UH, The mother was also at fault, she thinks my friend doesn’t like the boyfriend because she’s afraid the guy might not like her, when the obvious truth is that my friend hates the boyfriend, and doesn’t care about what he thinks of her. I don’t know what’s going through her head but I do know she isn’t a nice person.

I should end it at that.