Do you know? What it feels like? Some of you might. It’s the sort of thing that once you know it yourself you can relate to others that know it. Everyone else? The don’t understand. Actually so. I used to be everyone else. Not anymore. When something comes along that’s good. Really good. With the potential to be something great. Amazing. And then like a snap of a finger it was gone. It did something to me that I couldn’t deal with. My therapist and I call it an acute depressive trigger. The nature of it has me so downtrodden it takes everything I have just to seem “normal”. Every day feels like the worst day of my life. I already had an issue with social interaction but I’ve only been out of home twice in what seems like a lifetime be it actually just less than a month. To those that experience depression and cannot discern its trigger; I have no words. The pain you feel, day in and out. It is no small wonder that so many choose suicide as the answer. It is truly suffocating and fighting feels like an impossibility. I do not see a way out, no doubt part of the symptoms, and Each day I recede further into depressive patterns. Above all this. The one thing that propels me further, the one thing I can’t shake. Everyone else goes about their lives like I’m not dying internally. I don’t want them to suffer as I do. I don’t want this for anyone. But there’s no sympathy. Nothing. Like I don’t exist. Like I never existed at all. The only one who even checks up on me still goes about doing as he sees fit. The ones I truly care about though, the ones I did everything for, gave up parts of myself so that they could be happy; they go around gallivanting like they’re stepping on my grave after I’ve wronged them for my entire life. It is unforgivable. Every day I yearn for contact I can barely talk to anyone. I live with these people. Live with them for f*** sake. I want to die. I need help. I can’t kill myself I’m far too much of a coward. I can’t break these chains on my own and I don’t know what to do.